As I scroll through Facebook and see all the pictures of everyone's cute little new families and smiling babies it makes me think.
Some days I think...I need that, I need that now. I want to hold, cuddle, and love something that I was a part of creating. Sounds pretty amazing.
Other days I think...I don't know if I need that. I love my life, I love my marriage, I love adventure, I love the freedom to drop everything and run or travel... that comes with having no children. Also quite amazing.
I am far too selfish and self absorbed right now to devote my life to a totally dependent being, right? I don't know.
The conflicting emotions I have about it worry me, and I know my husband feels the same way. We have always planned on being married for 5 years before we have kids. I like that plan but I also want to know if that's still the plan. Have we changed our minds? He is ok waiting til that five year mark, readdressing the issue then and enjoying this time we have together now. I, on the other hand, want to figure it out now. Why can't I enjoy it and relax too?
Why am I so impatient and unsure?
Does everyone know that they want a child with 100% certainty? What if we regret it? Why mess with a good thing?
Will our lives be incomplete without a child? What if we regret not having a baby? Why not add to a good thing?
A few people asked for this recipe so I thought it was a perfect time for a blog post! I have some more recipes and stories to share but the current to-do list won't allow for all of that to be shared right now : ) Hopefully soon though!
I have been working hard to eat a gluten free (have been eating gluten free again for almost 3 months now!) and keep my diet as clean as possible. I have had my moments of weakness in the clean eating department....(french fries and milkshakes are my vices this summer apparently) but I have remained gluten free. At the advice of my trainer I have also started cutting dairy out of my diet to see if I feel different. I had a bit of a cheese obsession that I needed to reign in so I thought cutting it out of my diet would be horrible but to be honest, it's really not that bad. I do feel different when I don't eat it...no congestion, less bloating. We will see how I feel long term...I am not finding the gluten free thing to be hard at all this time around but cheese and I have a special bond : )
This pasta concoction just came to me when I was trying to find something to eat after the gym yesterday. I wanted some carbs but I wanted to have only one serving of pasta (I could easily eat 3 haha!) so I knew I needed mix in some veggies and chicken!
Clean Eating Spicy Chicken & Veggie Pasta
Ingredients:
2 oz quinoa pasta, cooked (I used the Ancient Grains brand)
1 tsp coconut oil
1tsp avocado oil
1 glove of garlic, chopped
3 cups organic baby spinach
1/2 red bell pepper, chopped
2 stalks of fresh baby broccoli, chopped
fresh parsley, chopped, to taste
crushed red pepper, to taste
sea salt, to taste
lemon pepper, to taste
fresh oregano, chopped, to taste
4oz grass fed, organic rotisserie chicken, shredded (or a chicken breast) (you can find organic and free range rotisserie chickens at Kowalski's and Whole Foods)
Directions:
Using a cast iron skillet or frying pan, melt coconut oil and spread throughout pan, add sea salt
Start cooking quinoa pasta
Add garlic, toast the garlic
Add spinach, peppers, broccoli, parsley, and fresh oregano...saute until reaches desired softness
Shred rotisserie chicken and sprinkle with lemon pepper seasoning
Combine pasta, chicken, and sauteed veggies into one bowl, mix together. Add crushed red pepper and sea salt to taste, and avocado oil, mix once more and ENJOY!! : )
When I am having a hard time, I turn to music late at night, early in the morning, in the middle of the day. Anytime. Lyrics and music are so powerful to me... many of you already know this about me : )
It's been a rather hard week so far for reasons I don't care to talk about yet. My husband has been an incredible support as always but when I'm alone, music brings me peace. Especially when the lyrics are poetic...it's so soothing to me.
After seeing Edward Sharpe live I continue to love their music and their message. Love. On the documentary The Big Easy Express which follows Mumford and Sons, Old Crow Medicine Show, and Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros on a train ride from California to New Orleans (I included the video below if you care to watch all 1 hour and some odd minutes of it now) there are all these scenes with laid back and passionate music playing and I absolutely love it...it brings me peace. If you like any of those bands ...please watch this movie, you won't regret it! I recommend buying the DVD because it has some fabulous special feature songs as well : )
There is one particular song... Fire Water... that I really love. I love that they change the lyrics up with every video that I've seen. It's such a powerful song. In the Big Easy Express version (the second video below) you can just feel their passion coming through in their music, no matter where they are.
Having passion for what you do and believing in your path is so important. And sometimes you just need that reminder.
Here is the start of Fire Water in a few different versions:
I'm sending you all my love, you with the heart to feel it, feel it
You in the light and dark with the eyes to see it, see it
Love go ahead, love stand beside us
Love is within each heart to guide us
And I thank the sun for shining that light
or
I'm sending you all my love, you with the heart to feel it, feel it
You with a broken heart, you know love will heal it, heal it
Love go ahead, love stand besides us
Love go within each heart to guide us
And I thank the sun for shining that light
And let your love blaze like fire, water...
To me, this song means...we are all the same, we all have hard and trying times and wonderful and beautiful times... we are all capable of receiving love and giving love...we just need to take care, notice and appreciate that. It's really that simple. No need for dwelling on all the other complications, worry, and heartache that life can also bring. In the end it's all about love and how you choose to use it.
That's right, I wasn't sure if it would happen, but it's happening! I'm back!
I went through six months or so of deciding I didn't want/need to blog. It was mostly due to the fact that I was way too busy and needed to find some kind of balance in my life. Unfortunately that meant not blogging which is too bad because as I have said before, I have a terrible memory and I would love to remember all the little things that happened during that time. That was a really long sentence...whew!
I spent the winter working a ton of hours because I assumed that photography would slow down a lot due to the snow and cold. I was wrong which is awesome for my photography business but it made for a busy busy winter with little down time. I also restarted my grad school classes with the goal of finishing by the end of this year. Why not throw one more thing on my plate?
By the end of winter and early spring I noticed that the night shift was starting to wear on my body. I wasn't sleeping as well during the day and I felt a little depressed. Being constantly tired is not fun. That coupled with trying to function during daytime hours as a good photographer got increasingly more difficult. I had been thinking it might be time to make a change at work (as a nurse) and just as I was thinking of mentioning it to Jason, he said he was sick of me working nights, not going to bed together, and seeing me so tired and sad. I was relieved he felt that way too because I was ready to make a change if he was on board. The hardest thing about leaving night shift is losing the extra pay. They really make it worth your while to stay on the night shift...so planning for a significant pay cut is a big decision. But in the end, a day shift position was posted on the oncology floor which is what I am super passionate about...and I took it. I am so so so happy and can't wait to start. I can't wait to feel better, have more energy, and have more time to devote to myself, my husband, and photography. I will only be working 2 days per week so I will have lots of time to continue to expand my business.
I think part of the reason I didn't feel like blogging until now was because both me and Jason had been so crazy busy til now that we didn't get to see each other very much. That is not easy. So the time we did spend together we just laid low, hung out, and talked....nothing much to blog about there : ) As I mentioned above, I can't wait to spend more time with him when I am back on the day shift...it will be great!
One of the time consuming parts of blogging that kind of turned me off from it for awhile was when I wanted a photo for a blog post I'd have to: take the picture with my SLR camera, plug it into my computer, edit it, export it, upload it, download it...blah blah blah. I do lots with photos already and somehow that extra bit just put me over the edge. Last week I got the iPhone 5 which has a much better camera on it. From now on to allow for ease of use and to promote more blogging, I am just going to use my iPhone pics! Of course I will use my good camera too but for recipes and other things I will often try to use my iPhone...we will see how it goes : )
A bit of exciting news that most people don't know is that Jason and I are planning a really big awesome trip for this coming January. We are going to India and Nepal for 15 days. We can hardly wait. We wanted to pick a destination where we wouldn't want to bring kids once we start having them. We also wanted a place that was very different than the US so we could experience another culture. I cannot wait to delve more into the books I got on these fascinating countries...c'mon January!
I recently joined a new gym that is only for women and focuses on strength training. I love it a lot. Now that I will have a clearer and more rested mind I am focusing more on nutrition and getting my workouts in. The rumor is when you stop working night shift, you can lose a few lbs...here's to hoping. That is one thing that often falls by the wayside for me when I am busy so I am excited to be back on track in that department.
So that's the short story of what's been going on. We've both been working a lot, the photography business is thriving (so thankful!), we are planning trips, I made a big job change that I can't wait for, and if all goes as planned I should have my master's degree done in December.
Here are a few pictures from recent happenings. I promise to put up pictures you haven't seen next time : ) Disclaimer: this are iPhone pics...not professional camera pics : )
My mom's wedding on June 15th...she and George had a really fun and lovely wedding!
two weekends ago, Jason and I went to downtown Hudson, WI for dinner at Agave Kitchen for the first time. It was sooo good and we will be back!
Pierre being Pierre
Me and Jason and the Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros Concert. It was at the Cabooze in Minneapolis and it was truly the most fun I have ever had at a concert. It was the perfect night. I was the perfect amount of drunk, it was warm, the music was unreal, and I was with my boo. SO. FUN! If you haven't heard their music, please check out both albums, you won't regret it!
My first Surly...as I am learning to like beer this summer. But my trainer told me today I should probably lay off that high cal booze....dang it!
Love it
Alex, the main singer
this week I went to visit Katie Kline and her new pup Emmie! How freaking cute is she?! Katie and I had some great chats too....love her!
This last saturday, Jason and I went to the twins game and checked out this new restaurant in Minneapolis beforehand. It was pretty good!
The game : ) It was nice and sunny. We had tickets on the third baseline but enjoyed some standing room seats in the shade for part of the game.
After the game we rooftop patio hopped around Minneapolis (again not recommended by my trainer) and found this lovely champagne cockatil at Union Restaurant. They had a retractable roof which was sweet!
Lydia is in town which is VERY exciting. We met up at the Twin's game and then later at the Crave Rooftop for appetizers and drinks : ) I will be heading up to Alexandria in a few weeks to hang out with her again.
Jason and I hanging out at Jason's dad's house on Sunday evening. Chris (Jason's brother) was there too...we had a delicious grilled dinner of bbq chicken and green beans...mmmm!
Later Sunday night I was forced to go to Raceway Park in Shakopee against my will (well..sorta). My husband said I needed to have an open mind and he was sure I might like it. He went to races growing up and wanted me to see it too. I whined a lot but eventually agreed to go. It actually was really fun. It was great people watching and was fun to see the different kinds of cars. They had two figure 8 races which scared the shit out of me...above is a picture of two cars almost crashing. I was the annoying girl who screamed each time the cars almost crashed...I couldn't help it!
these were my favorite minds of cars...so cute!
cool shot
Today I did some harvesting : ) Nothing but herbs are ready to be harvested from my garden but it was exciting nonetheless. They smell so good!!
I even used a little of the fresh dill on our grilled red potatoes tonight!
Our dinner...turkey brats, peppers and onions, red potatoes, and corn ( I didn't eat much corn...I got full!)
That's kind of the latest and greatest. I have a lot more to share but I had to start somewhere : ) Thanks for listening and for taking me back after all this time!
I was organizing my thoughts on what I wanted to blog about tonight. I had a few recipes to share, songs to share, photos to update, our anniversary trip to talk about... and then it dawned on me... I have YET to go through my pictures from my trip to Portland. It was such a great trip but unfortunately those pictures had taken a backseat to everything else I had going on. There was no reason to wait any longer. I am so glad I went through them because it brought me right back to that fabulous trip.
Lydia and I were college roommates for a few years and while we were still friends... we hadn't been keeping up with each other as well as we should have. This trip just reconfirmed how important it is for me to maintain my friendship with her. She's lovely, hilarious, and such a great friend. We had some awesome talks, a LOT of champagne, and so much more.
We not only explored downtown but we rented a beach house for 2 nights near Cannon Beach and explored that area as well. It was so fun. Our rental house had a hot tub which we spent many drunken hours in just reminiscing and talking about life. It is only appropriate that I am listening to the latest Mumford and Sons album while I write this post because we listened to it a lot that week : ) (Insert song 'Lover of the Light' as you look at the pictures ; ) )
It is a trip I will never forget.
I am going to attach some of my favorite pictures...I hope you enjoy them. I am definitely not a seasoned landscape photographer and it was outside of my comfort zone...but it was fun to play around with my camera in a different way.
These first pictures are from the Japanese Gardens in downtown Portland...it was quite the beautiful place.
The rose gardens:
Arch Cape near our beach house:
Mikka
our champagne and sorbet mimosas
the beach house...so awesome
baby Mikka
Cannon Beach:
What a fabulous trip. Thank you so much for your hospitality Lydia...can't wait til my next visit! : )
