Saturday, March 15, 2014

Namaste & Welcome to India


I finally have time and energy to get some words down about this glorious trip. 

Our first few days here have been packed to the brim with activity and each evening we find ourselves exhausted and ready for bed before 9pm it seems. But one of my favorite things about having a blog is being able to look back and see what happened day to day on past trips and relive that if I want to. So it is important to me to write things down. If you're reading this too, thank you! : )

Before I start I have to be honest. I was scared to come to India. Similar to when we traveled to South America, I felt a little panicked when thinking about leaving my comfort zone. Even though I genuinely had a desire to travel to these places...the unknown, the poverty, the lack of control, safety issues...all kind of freaked me out. There were a few times we weren't sure if we would be able to come due to Jason's work schedule and during those times I secretly felt a little relieved. I was afraid and was looking for an easy way out. Even up to the point of landing in the Delhi airport I was nervous. But I decided I needed to face my fears, get out of my comfort zone, and be open to what I could learn about this vastly different culture and also be open to what I could learn myself in the process. I took a deep breath and decided to embrace the discomfort.

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When we started out on our first day in Delhi our tour guide Praveen started off by explaining the meaning of Namaste. Each hand when brought together has as meaning. One is for your heart, one is for your soul and as you bow and say Namaste you are bowing to the god within that person. So in essence it is saying, my heart and soul bow and honor the god that is within you. How beautiful is that? I am not much of a yogi anymore (though it is in my near future plans to get back into it), so the meaning of namaste may be obvious to others but I wasn't aware of it's deeper meaning til that day. When Praveen said that, I teared up a little and knew for certain that this would be a trip we would never forget. I was open and ready to accept all that India had to offer.
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But let's start from the beginning. I will include lots of photos because that's of course a very important part for me. A lot of the photos are taken with my DSLR but Jason also is taking photos with an awesome Nikon 1 that my friend Katie Tackes borrowed to us (thank you again Katie...it's awesome!). I am just going to cover our time in Delhi and once I have sorted through the Jaipur pictures I will post about that wonderful city.

We started off in Chicago. We were flying direct from Chicago to Delhi, a 14 hour flight. I was super anxious about being in the air that long. We had decided to come to Chicago the night before the flight left so we could relax and get as much sleep as possible. We arrived Sunday evening and did just that...ate, relaxed, and slept.

We went to bed and were awoken by an alert on Jason's phone early the next morning saying that our flight was delayed for at least 8 hours. We were able to keep our hotel room and wait for our plane which ultimately ended up being 12 hours late and leaving around 2am on Tuesday morning. We found out later that our plane left Delhi and had to turn around and return to Delhi after 3 hours due to the transponder failing. Yikes.


enjoying some Caribou at MSP

chillin' in the hotel in Chicago

Jason likes to take pics of me when I look my best
We did a lot of waiting and snoozing 
Jason waiting for the plane to arrive...
Yay! 
Prepping myself for the long ass flight
looking hot and ready to fly
Woohoo!
Jason being a creeper as usual

Soooo...I feel like kind of an asshole now because I was beyond anxious about being on a plane for 14 hours. I was worried I would feel clostrophobic, etc. I can't sleep on planes so I had a bad feeling...though I tried thinking positive and affirmative thoughts. Welp, I ended up sleeping pretty much the entire time. Ha! I turned on an inflight movie, Casablanca...and I couldn't even stay awake for the whole 104 minutes. Jason was very jealous. Muahaha. I did wake up periodically but I was probably only awake for a few hours total. It was lovely. I owe a lot of it to the awesome eye covers Jason found online and the noise cancelling headphones we splurged on just before our trip. I turned out some white noise on my sound machine app and I was zonked.
 







We arrived in Delhi at 1:30am and by the time we got to our hotel and to bed it was about 4:30am. We didn't care. We made it and we took that 2 hours of sleep for all it was worth. Here are a few photos from our arrival. We got beautiful flower leis. Also...our room was comfy as hell (notice picture #2 of our room....my husband is a freak show)






The next morning we woke up bright and early to devour whatever we could from the breakfast buffet before heading out on our tour. It was so damn tasty.



Now on to the cool stuff. As I already told you, Praveen our tour guide made me almost cry right off the bat with his Namaste speech. That really set the tone for the day. Though the poverty, the chaos and the constant honking of horns is/was omni present...I was able to take it for what it was and just be in the moment. Yes, it was sad that people are so poor, but honestly everyone seems pretty damn happy. This was an interesting and powerful realization for me. 

We first went to a Muslim Mosque in Delhi which was stunning. We took off our shoes and the ladies had to wear big (and ugly) moo moos out of respect.










This guy wanted to be in the picture with Jason...haha  

After this we went had a pretty unforgettable experience on a rickshaw. Our driver took us into narrow alley ways and around busy streets. It was exhilarating. Jason thought it was kind of nerve wracking while I naively enjoyed every second not worrying about someone coming to run us over. As you'll see  in the pictures...the infrastructure is completely non existent and there are power lines everywhere...strung up wherever they can find space. A very eye opening experience! 






After this we visited the cremation site of Ghandi which is known as the Raj Ghat. It has an eternal flame burning in his honor. It was beautiful!






After this, we went to a shop run by the people of Cashmere where they showed us how they weave their famous Indian rugs. It was very interesting! It's a painstaking process and it takes years to finish one rug. They offered their beautiful work up for sale but Jason and I weren't quite ready to drop 25k on a rug for our living room....maybe someday ; )



We finished the day at the Qutub Minar which is a huge tower made from sandstone. It is the tallest tower in India and is surrounded by some awesome Hindu ruins. The detail in these ruins are incredible as you will see in the pictures. The time it took do these carvings is crazy.












After that, we headed back to the hotel to explore a bit before heading to dinner. 







After this we headed out to our welcome dinner. Jason and I are new to eating Indian food so we were a bit nervous about what we were going to eat. But the dinner was delicious and it ensured us we would eat well throughout the trip!
 The only remaining slum in Delhi. Sad to see and very eye opening: 
 Always busy on the roads
OH!! And I cannot forget to share...(I don't care if this is TMI) I know everyone is dying to know how gross the toilets are here...and yes, squatting and peeing into a hole in the earth in public is how they rock...so that cherry has been popped. Our hotels have lovely bathrooms but when we are out during the day...this is the fun we have in store for us: 


It's safe to say we were exhausted that evening. We went to bed very early.
The next morning we packed our things and enjoyed another delicious breakfast and some coffee outside.


We then headed to the Birla Temple before leaving Delhi. This is a Hindu temple that enshrines Lord Vishnu. I was reminded there how similar Buddhism and Hinduism really are...and learned some of the key points of the Hindu faith. I found it very interesting and moving. The temple was gorgeous inside and out but unfortunately no cameras were allowed inside.

The temple was the perfect way to end our stay in Delhi. I got my first ceremonial dot or bindi on my forehead which represents the third eye and being open to energy and strength (among many other meanings). It was so awesome!


After finishing up at the temple we hopped on the bus and headed for Jaipur which we loved so much. But I will save that for my next post : ) 

On the road to Jaipur:






Thursday, February 13, 2014

Living Gluten Free: Cookbooks, Restaurants, & Resources

Now that I covered the basics of my gluten free life and what's in my pantry...I figured it's only appropriate to share where I find all my delicious recipes and where we go when we feel like a night on the town : )

First off let's start with cookbooks and my other recipe sources.

Cookbooks: 

  • Against All Grain: My current favorite cookbook. Although it is based on the Paleo diet which I don't follow, it does have some of the most amazing grain free, dairy free recipes I've tried so far
  • Eat Clean Diet Cookbook: Fabulous clean eating ideas using non-processed foods. Though this is based on a specific diet concept, I use the book mostly for the recipes
  • Plenty: A gorgeous coffee table book with amazing veggie recipes. Nearly everything is gluten free in this book and while I am certainly no vegetarian, it offers super tasty ideas for side dishes or main course meals
  • Wheat Belly Cookbook: This has fabulous gluten free and low glycemic recipe ideas including pizza crusts, breads, etc. It's a nice book to look to if you're trying to step away from buying the pre-packaged gluten free products
  • Make Ahead Paleo: I actually don't even have this cookbook yet but I have heard rave reviews and it's next on my list to buy : )

Blogs:
  • 100 Days of Real Food: This was the blog that initially got me thinking more about giving up processed food. Though this family doesn't restrict gluten or dairy, there are a lot of really great ideas on incorporating real foods into your diets. It's very non-pretentious and, well, real!
  • Against All Grain: Same woman that wrote my currently favorite cookbook, this blog offers amazing paleo recipes...which of course means being gluten and dairy free
  • Deliciously Ella: I just recently came across this blog thanks to my friend Katie, and I'm pretty sure I have already pinned every recipe on her website!
  • Gluten Free Girl and the Chef: This is the blog that first made me realize I might have an issue with gluten. When I read her 'About Me' section, I cried. I felt very similarly and it confirmed that I was not alone. I don't refer to her website as much for recipes, but there are some great ones on there!
I know there are thousands of blogs out there with tons of fabulous recipes but those are my main go-to sites. I also use Pinterest a lot. So feel free to check out my Whole Food Recipes board and my Gluten Free board. I also have several gluten free recipes on this blog, granted many are from several years ago when I used more processed food...they are still great recipes!

Books: 
  • In Defense of Food: This is the book that made me question all of the processed food I was eating. It's a very important and informative book and I would highly recommend it.
  • Women, Food, and God: A great guide to open you up to mindful eating. I would not consider myself a religious person...more of a spiritual person so don't let the God part freak you out if that's not how you roll...it's really more about connecting with your higher power, whatever that is for you.
  • Wheat Belly: Though I don't necessarily agree with every idea in this book, it is another great look at what wheat can do to do the body, and what high glycemic foods in general are doing to your body. It made me rethink how I was incorporating certain carbs into my day. I started noticing a crash with cravings after certain foods. Since changing things around, I rarely have those peaks and valleys anymore.
And last but not least...restaurants! I have to say, since I started to listen to my body more, I find I feel the best when we cook at home. There is really no way to know what kind of oil your food is being cooked in and whether or not they are using butter or frying something in oil shared with gluten products. I used to just say screw it and go out and eat what "should" be gluten free like fries and certain salad dressings...but I quickly learned that the feeling I get after eating those things is not worth it at all. There are a few restaurants we've eaten at where we've had good luck so far. If it's a independent, non-chain restaurant and you order a salad with simple olive oil dressing or the meat with veggies and potatoes, it generally seems to be safe. I always ask about gluten free options when I get there and most places have special menus too.

Restaurants: (around the Twin Cities, MN)
  • Chipotle: I would die without this staple. If I am out running errands or don't have time to cook, the burrito bowl is my savior. I usually order brown rice, fajita veggies, double chicken, corn salsa, and double guacamole. This will last me at least 2 meals with the extra chicken and guac...and it's damn tasty!
  • French Meadow: Great gluten free menu items! Thanks Megan for finally getting my booty there! (Mpls)
  • Ecopolitan: Everything is raw, organic, vegan, and gluten free. They have amazing juices and dessert...I can't wait to go back and try more! (Mpls)
  • Namaste Cafe: Great Indian/Nepalese food with many gluten free options...thanks to Katie for this recommendation and also Ecopolitan (Mpls)
  • PF Changs and Cheesecake Factory: Both chains but both have great gluten free menus (Edina)
  • Good Earth: Great cafe with great gluten free options (Roseville)
  • Dolittle's Woodfire Grill: I'm a sucker for rotisserie chicken...and this place has a gluten free menu as well (Eagan)
  • San Pedro Cafe: Worth the drive to Hudson! Amazing Caribbean food, jerk chicken, mango salsa...you name it! Most of the menu is gluten free : ) (Hudson, WI)
  • Cafe Levain: Cute little place in south Minneapolis, great food and many gluten free options. We went there with friends a few weeks ago and the chef made me a small plate of cornmeal crusted onion rings since he knew I was gluten free...it was so sweet and they were tasty as heck! (Mpls)
  • Dominos, Pizza Luce, and Davanni's for gluten free pizza. I have also heard great things about Pizzeria Lola and Punch's gluten free crust but haven't been to those places yet.
  • Supatra: Amazing thai food with tons of gluten free options...so dang good! (St. Paul)
  • Brasa: So good! Most everything is gluten free! (St. Paul & Mpls)
  • Happy Gnome: Great patio atmosphere, cider beer, and a gluten free menu! (St. Paul)
  • Moto-i: Great food, another great patio, and a gluten free menu : ) (Mpls)
  • Pei Wei: Good option for chinese food to go, good gluten free menu (Woodbury & more)
  • Buon Giorno: Best salad bar ever. (Mendota Heights)
This is just a small selection of restaurants but it's a great place to start. Here is another resource for other twin cities area restaurants. I will be sure and share other great places to eat as I discover them!   : )

Hope this post was helpful! As always, let me know what questions you have! 

Living Gluten Free: Getting Started

Several people have contacted me or approached me after my recent blog post about what I eat and how to start a gluten free lifestyle.

I figured it was easiest to share a few tips on the blog so those people can refer back to it if need be : )

First off I would just like to say that going gluten free is not for everyone. It is not a cure all and it is not a magical weight loss solution.

For me, it was a means to improve certain ailments I was suffering from. For me stiff joints, digestive issues, and headaches were all things that were eliminated by cutting out gluten. Some other unexpected benefits have been clearer vision, clearer mind, less moodiness, and fewer cravings for carbs/sugar. So with that being said, it has been more than worth it for me and if you feel like you may benefit from this lifestyle change I say go for it!

If you think there is a possibility you may have celiac disease, please get tested by your doctor before eliminating anything from your diet. You want to be eating it when you get tested for it for the results to be accurate.

I do not have celiac disease and have been tested twice. The first few times I attempted to go gluten free (2 years ago), the negative test result gave me permission (in my mind) to slowly start eating gluten again. And even though I felt ok at first, it didn't take long for the old symptoms to return and for more problems to be added.

In June of 2013, I finally started listening to my body. I was having pretty severe joint pain and headaches and I knew that wasn't normal. I noticed that after just a week of eliminating gluten, all my pain was gone. I found this shocking, scary, and awesome all at the same time. This time around, eliminating gluten was not about losing weight and being disciplined enough to avoid bread but rather it was about improving my overall health and eliminating some pretty scary symptoms.

I have to be honest, it's not an easy road at first. Depending on the amount of carbs/gluten you currently eat, chances are good that you'll have some pretty serious cravings for bread products initially. This will go away after a week or two, I promise. You just have to get through it...it will pass! It is easy in the beginning to miss all those delicious bready items you once indulged in regularly. I have found that focusing on all the wonderful things I can still eat has been key for me. If I get caught up on feeling bad that I can't eat Papa John's pizza dough anymore or a burger with a bun, it would send me into a negative spiral. I have been there before when I tried eating gluten free previously and it is not helpful at all. There are so many healthy, delicious, and incredibly filling things you can still eat and if you focus on those you will soon forget about those things you used to love. Eventually, after you've been eating gluten free for a few months, you'll find if you get a bite of something you used to indulge in, you'll be surprised that it doesn't really taste all that great after all..it's just what you were used to and comfortable with.

I also have cut out most processed foods. I will occasionally eat tortilla chips, pre-made pizza crusts etc. but for the most part I try to avoid anything processed and eat whole foods. In the beginning of this journey, I was all about the gluten free packaged products and that was a great way to wean myself off gluten...by eating foods you are used to in a gluten free form. Eventually you can try eliminating the pre-packaged stuff when you're ready but be kind to yourself...it's a lot to learn and change!

You'll notice in my pantry items and sample menu that I don't include dairy. I have cut almost all dairy out of my diet as well because I have found I don't feel great when I eat that either. I will occasionally eat cheese but usually at the cost of feeling pretty yucky afterwards.

So let's get started...here are my staple pantry items. I am a big fan of Trader Joe's so you'll see a lot of items listed from there. It's reasonable and wonderful and it's my main grocery store. I also get a few favorites from Super Target, Amazon, Kowalski's, and Tailor Made Nutrition.

Grocery Items

Trader Joe's:

  • Greens (spinach, lettuce, etc.)
  • Fruits (apples, pineapple, bananas, etc.)
  • Peppers/Onions
  • Avocados
  • Herbs (especially cilantro)
  • Ginger
  • Potatoes
  • Organic, Free Range Eggs
  • Meats (Organic, Free Range Chicken breasts/thighs, grass fed beef, pork, etc.)
  • Corn Tortillas
  • Brown Rice and Quinoa Pasta
  • Tri-color quinoa
  • Brown Rice
  • Arrabiatta Sauce
  • Organic Olive Oil
  • Organic Maple Syrup
  • Canned Coconut Milk
  • Spices (any and all...as long as they are gluten free)
  • Frozen Fruit (I love the organic pineapple, mango, strawberry, and banana combo back)
  • Fresh orange juice and carrot juice
  • Fresh pico de gallo (hot....it's not too spicy I promise!)
  • Hummus
  • Gluten Free Oats
  • Chia Seeds
  • Nuts
  • Tortilla Chips (occasionally)
Super Target:
  • Applegate Naturals Chicken Apple Breakfast Sausage (amazingly delicious)
  • Applegate Naturals deli turkey 
  • Mini sweet peppers (amazing with hummus, guacamole, and with eggs)
  • Simply Balanced Frozen Organic Veggies (best price on organic frozen veggies: broccoli, corn, etc.)
  • Gluten Free Baking Mixes (for a special treat and if you aren't up for making gluten free goodies from scratch just yet...King Arthur's Flour is a great brand)
  • Organic Tamari (gluten free soy sauce)
Kowalski's:
  • Free range rotisserie chicken (a great go-to for a quick meal, salad, etc.)
  • Organic fresh veggies for juicing or eating
  • True Dough frozen pizza crust (locally made and the best tasting pre-made dough I've found...you can also make your own!)
  • Other gluten free options...they have a great selection!
  • Nutiva Organic Coconut Oil (I never thought I'd like coconut oil but I go through it by the tub now and only use olive oil on cold/room temperature dishes...best price I've found by far!)
  • Nutiva Hemp Protein Powder
  • Amazing Grass Wheatgrass products (great addition to any smoothie...great natural energy)
  • Coconut Flour
  • Garbanzo Bean Flour
  • Almond Flour
  • Ground Flax (All flour is Bob's Redmill)
  • Coconut Aminos or Liquid Aminos (good soy sauce alternative)
  • Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar

A local honey distributer that we get all our honey from. We no longer bake or cook with refined sugar. Honey and maple syrup are a great substitute! We love the raw wildflower honey, the vanilla spoon honey, and the hot honey which is good with chicken : )


This is a fabulous store in Woodbury that is an all gluten free grocery store. It is a great place to go when you are first starting out on your gluten free journey. They do sell a lot of processed gluten free foods so I don't shop there too often but it's a great starting point!


An all gluten free bakery in Eagan. They have tasty cookies, cakes, pancake mixes, and take and bake pizzas! I have only tried the pancake mix and the cookies but they were both amazing!! (Monster Cookie...holy balls!)



Hopefully the list above can help you to make your grocery list. You certainly don't need to go to all those stores to get your shopping done but it's what works for me. On a regular week I will always go to Trader Joe's and Super Target and only occasionally go to Kowalski's. 

Here is a typical menu for my day as well. I plan to post some other helpful cooking tips, recipes for smoothies, and more but I will start with the menu : )

Breakfast:
  • Two Eggs Fried in Coconut Oil with sauteed spinach, peppers, and onions (I also add turmeric, crushed red pepper and whatever other spices strike my fancy)
  • 3-4 Applegate Chicken Sausages
  • Tea or Coffee and Water
Snack:
  • Smoothie (it's always green...either from wheatgrass or spinach...but it's delicious, I also always add chia and flax seeds)
Lunch:
  • Salad with veggies, chicken, avocado (dressing is olive oil with sea salt and crushed red pepper or olive oil and apple cider vinegar mixed)
  • Fruit (if i'm hungry enough)
Dinner:
  • Meat
  • Veggies
  • Quinoa, Rice, or Quinoa/Brown Rice Pasta
Sometimes I eat more and sometimes I eat less...it really depends on how I feel. I do not count calories I just listen to my body and ask myself if I am truly hungry. I eat slowly and stop before I am full. Sometimes we eat a small salad for dinner if that's what we want...sometimes we eat a plate of pasta...it's all about listening to what we want and need at that time. If I overeat or eat something I am not proud of I move on and do better next time. No need for shame! (And if I can have this attitude anyone can...I used to be the queen of shame and falling of the wagon after one bad meal)

I also try to have snacks on hand like power balls, granola, fresh fruit, hummus etc. in case I am hungry but not for a full on meal.

 I also do not fear fat. I use a ton of coconut oil and incorporate all sorts of healthy fats into my diet (like avocados and nuts)...and I truly feel that it helps me stay full longer and has helped me lose more weight than I would have otherwise. 

So those are the basics of my gluten free life. I am proud to say that I never feel deprived, disappointed in my dietary "limitations", or like I am on a diet. I eat tons of incredibly tasty food. It is possible to live a healthy and wholesome life even if you grew up eating only macaroni and cheese and hot dogs as a kid and mozzarella sticks through your teenage years (and early twenties who I am I kidding?)...that was me! 

I am more than happy to answer any other questions you may have but I wanted to have a good starting point. I hope you found this helpful!


Monday, February 3, 2014

Chipotle Burgers with Honey Caramelized Onions (Gluten and Dairy Free)

When I was over at my friend Dana's house a month or so ago, she told me she still refers to my old blog posts for recipes she makes. This made me feel so good and it encouraged me to start posting recipes again. Though the recipes you will find now will be gluten free and often dairy free as well...I promise they are still delicious! You can always doctor them up with whatever you want too!

In an effort to change up our same old hamburger recipes (tacos and meatloaf primarily) I decided to try to concoct a burger that tasted so delicious it didn't need a bun.

I was the gal that never thought she would eat a burger without a bun...but turns out if it's juicy and flavorful enough it doesn't need one!

I made this last week and I already want to make it again. Hope you enjoy it!


Chipotle Burgers with Honey Caramelized Onions

 Burger Ingredients:

-1 lb grass fed beef
- 6 tbsp chipotle in adobo sauce
-2 chopped chipotle peppers in adobo sauce
- 1/4 cup chopped cilantro
-1/4 cup chopped green onions
-1/4 cup finely chopped sweet onions
1/4 cup finely chopped green and red bell peppers
-2 garlic cloves chopped
-1 tsp crushed red pepper

1) Combine all ingredients in a bowl (add an egg to help hold ingredients together if desired)
2) Form into patties with a burger former or by hand
3) Cook til reaches desired temperature
4) Add onions (listed below), and if you want cheese add some organic grass fed cheddar or your cheese of choice and enjoy!!



Honey Caramelized Onions

-2 large sweet onions, chopped 
- 2 tbsp coconut oil
-sprinkle of sea salt
-1 tsp raw local honey

1) Melt coconut oil in fry pan, add sea salt to cut coconut flavor
2) Cook onions til soft and starting to brown on edges
3) Add honey
4) Cook until onions appear light brown
5) Add to burger and enjoy!



And of course don't forget...find a good, new gluten free cider to enjoy with the burger!!




The Famous Pistachio Granola

I made some granola recently that has been quite the hit.

I keep promising to share the recipe so here it is!

I got it from a mom of a patient I took care of. It's amazingly delicious. I saw her the other day and told her how popular the recipe has been and she said..."it's your recipe now...spread the love!".

And spread it I shall!

Fabulous Pistachio Granola

3 Cups Rolled Oats (Trader Joe's sells a great gluten free bag of oats)
1.5 Cups Shelled Pistachios
1 Cup Mixed Nuts
1 Cup Unsweetened Coconut Flakes, chopped (again, Trader Joe's)
3/4 Cup Maple Syrup
1/2 Cup Olive Oil
1/3 Cup Brown Sugar
1 Tsp Kosher Sea Salt
1/2 Tsp Cinnamon
1/2 Tsp Cardamom

1) Mix all ingredients in large bowl
2) Spread on baking sheet
3) Bake at 300 degrees stirring every 15 minutes for a total of 45 minutes
4) Stir on pan and let cool


*if you like fruit in your granola, dried cherries are a great addition...add them after baking the granola  : )

 5) Let cool, break into chunks and enjoy!

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Wellness Journey

Today I felt ready to sit down and write about how my life has changed in the last 6/7 months.

Looking back I can't believe it's been that long but that also makes me feel proud about how much change and growth has happened.

Right around the time of my mom's wedding in June, I got a glimpse of myself in someone's photograph that was posted on Facebook. I hardly recognized myself.  I knew I had gained some weight, felt tired and crappy, and was even having some joint pain but it didn't really hit me until I saw that picture. I was a good 50 lbs heavier than I was at my fittest in college.

Since graduating from college my life has been a series of diets (weight watchers, gluten free, unprocessed, clean, etc. etc.)...any magic formula that would finally fix that last missing piece of what would make me happy and complete...being thin. It was a vicious cycle of gaining weight, losing weight, and then regaining more. All with a large heap of self loathing at the end. Why couldn't I figure it out? Why couldn't I just eat less and work out more? I had been in the best shape of my life during college, why was it so hard for me to maintain or lose weight now? It's simple enough right?

No.

I decided in July that I wanted to re-try eating gluten free to see if that would help my joint pain. I was having severe aching in my knees and shoulders, most often after I ate. I also started at a new gym in hopes of jump starting some weight loss and increasing my happiness. My joint pain disappeared immediately. That was my first clue that tuning into my body and listening to what it needed was essential. I worked out more and liked my new gym... but I still didn't have the enthusiasm and motivation that I hoped to have.

I made a big life change at the end of July and stopped working the night shift and moved to a day shift position. I knew that my messed up sleep schedule was not helping my eating habits, my moods, or my health so that was another positive step in the right direction.

In August, I was feeling better physically but was still struggling with food choices (though I was eating gluten free successfully) and food portions. I was constantly beating myself up over things I was eating and it caused me so much anxiety that I was just generally very unhappy and depressed. I felt so desperate for change and weight loss and so mad at myself for my lack of success that I was in a constant state of anxiety. This spilled over into my everyday life and I let it affect me in so many more ways than I realized.

One night after drinking too much at one of Jason's work events I had a breakdown. I realized after that night that I needed to make some big changes in my life. I was not happy. I did not love and respect myself and I had been placing way too much value on my weight and my accomplishments (or lack thereof). On top of that I was overcommitted to work, photography, and school and knew that something needed to change.

I started seeing a therapist the next week and my life has not been the same since. I have learned to incorporate mindfulness into my everyday life through meditation, affirmations, and dedicated self care time. All that stuff they teach us in nursing school about self care is really legit...I'm telling you!

Mindfulness has seeped it's way into every part of my life. It has made me pay attention to what I'm eating and how it makes me feel. I eat what I want but I notice how it makes me feel. And if it happens to make me feel like crap, I move on, don't beat myself up over it and remember that feeling the next time. It has helped me realize that gluten does not agree with my body so I don't eat it. It's not in an effort to be skinny anymore, it's in an effort to feel good. And man is that a relief. I also am mindful about when I am hungry and I analyze my feelings beforehand to make sure I am not eating because I am bored or sad but because I am actually hungry.

For the first time in all of my dieting ups and downs I feel relaxed. I am not worried about what I can't eat. I don't miss gluten or the foods that made me feel crappy one bit. I do not feel deprived and I am no longer on a "diet". Most importantly, I have learned to love myself and my body the way it is rather than obsessing over what needs to change.

I also have let go of external validation. I used to wish and hope that people would notice that I'd lost weight and then if no one noticed, it would be an easy excuse for me to give up and go back to old habits. Now I hold the key to my happiness. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or sees...it's all about how I feel. If someone happens to give me a compliment I appreciate it and it motivates me but it doesn't define what I am doing and what is right for me.

I am mindful about about everyday things, about big life events, and about my relationship with my husband. I have learned that I lost my voice for awhile. I was so worried about disappointing others (including my husband) that I stopped speaking up for myself. I have always been very sensitive and a people pleaser which in and of themselves aren't bad qualities but I had let them overtake me in a negative way. After working on this issue for awhile with my therapist, I am proud to say that I finally feel a shift. I can now confidently say what I want without fear of making others feel uncomfortable. Whatever I feel and do is ok, even if others don't agree. It's very freeing.

I feel happy. I feel like I radiate happiness now. By paying attention to my body, my mind, and my needs... I am happy. Not everyday is sunshine and roses, but I am in and incredibly different place than I was 6 months ago.

My relationship with my husband has grown and thrived more than I ever thought possible. He has been so patient and supportive to me for our entire relationship and now I feel like I can finally offer him confident and supportive love like I've always wanted to. What an incredible feeling.

I got rid of my scale a few months ago in an effort to only listen to what my body needs rather than being outcome oriented and obsessing over the number on the scale. If I am doing things that are good and nourishing for my body then I will eventually settle at the weight I'm supposed to be.

Today I packed away a bunch of clothes that no longer fit. I don't know what I weigh but I know I am making progress. But it's really not about that anymore. It's about listening to myself, loving myself, and respecting myself enough to do what makes me feel good.

I have had such fabulous side effects from this life change. I have tons of energy, I sleep well, I am often super happy, I love my job even more than ever, I actually look forward to working out rather than it feeling like an obligation, and as I said, my relationship with myself and my husband has grown like crazy.

One of the biggest health benefits has been related to my period/fertility. After not getting my period for 4 years without the aid of drugs to induce my period I am proud to say I have gotten my period on time, in a regular cycle for the last three months. Before all of this, my doctors said that I would likely not be able to get pregnant because I was not ovulating and they couldn't figure out why. They toyed with the idea that I might have endometriosis or PCOS but nothing was ever conclusive. Now that problem has completely been eliminated purely by changing my lifestyle. My doctor says I now should have no issues getting pregnant when the time comes. That is insane to me.

I wanted to put this out there because lately I have been approached by so many people asking me what my weight loss and happiness secret is. Well it's no secret and it's not magic. It wasn't a quick fix and it wasn't easy. I am still working on it and I always will be. But I want everyone to be able to experience the joy I feel right now and to stop letting weight, food, and the depression related to those things bring them down. Listening to yourself and trusting yourself is they key. Everyone is different but everyone can succeed at being happy.

I am thankful to be on this path and to be so very happy : )
June 2013
November 2013

I realize this picture is from 2 months ago but I don't have a recent shot. Today I am feeling stronger and happier than ever : )