Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Where to begin?

Where to begin?

After I sent of all my discs of edited images out in the mail, mailed some things I sold on ebay, ran my errands, went to boot camp, and cooked dinner...I realized something. I have nothing to do. No papers to grade, no homework, no anything. What to do? Drink wine? Yes.

Also, dance in the kitchen with husband and watch a movie which made me sob (The Descendents). It was a great night. 

I have fully realized that I have done no significant life blogging in quite awhile. And to be honest it was fine because I felt totally overwhelmed with busyness and accepted that I had no time. You need time in life to reflect, or you will get weary! I can't complain. Everything I have had to do was self induced and really not all that horrible. And the light at the end of the tunnel is so visible I am nearly squinting...but not quite.

In two weeks I will be done teaching clinical...probably for a long time. I won't have any school classes of my own until September. I will be free. Free to work out more than twice a week (which has been hard enough to get to). Free to lay out and get tan, enjoy our boat, and really just be. Period. It really can't come soon enough. I am ready. I love teaching, don't get me wrong but the combo of working nights and teaching days is just not for me...and I know that now.

I also decided to reward myself with a trip to Florida in May to see my sister-in-law and nieces. I miss them like crazy. I told Jason it feels pretty special to feel so strongly for his family. I know how lucky I am. We are lucky we get half of his family here in Minnesota but it's hard having the rest in Florida. During the week that I am heading down there, Jason has a big trial going on. He will be busy and gone a ton and it's my week off from work so I figured it was the perfect opportunity. Plus airfare was insanely cheap for the perfect window of was meant to be. I went down last year when my niece Ruby was born for the first time by myself...and I think I may have to make it a spring tradition...until I have babies of my own someday.  I look forward to seeing everyone but especially my sis (in-law) Nikki, I always love our talks over morning coffee...heck I love our talks that last all day!  : ) Can't wait!

On the photography you may have noticed I have been doing a fair amount of photo sessions recently. This is yet another reason I can't wait to be done with clinical. Business is picking up and I feel so freaking excited about it I can't even explain it. I didn't know what would happen when I gave this a try but it's really working out well so far...this summer I will have so much more time to dedicate to it and that makes me giddy. I am still reading and continuing to learn but I have purchased some new equipment that will help make my pictures better and improve my skills as I practice more. Another exciting bit related to photography is that I am almost done building my website. It's going to be a light, fun sample of my work that is solely dedicated to photography while this blog will remain my personal blog with updates on my latest photo sessions as well. The website is coming along great and I hope to have it up and live in the next few weeks or so.

On the fitness I said above, I have been lucky to get in two workouts a week. This is freaking lame compared to this time last year when I was at my peak fitness level in years. I was boot camping it up at least four days a week in addition to doing some cardio at least once a week. I felt great and energetic which sounds utterly amazing compared to the sloth like state I am in now. I have started to re-watch what I eat because I realized I was going a bit overboard on the calories in my state of busyness...the grab, eat, and run thing can get dangerous....and it catches up to me quickly. Luckily, I know I can get back to where I was quickly too. And as soon as clinicals are over it's back to the four day a week (or more if I'm feeling a little crazy) boot camp plan. This belly has got to go buh-bye. So does my blah feeling.

It's funny thinking back to my blogs earlier last fall when I was raving about how I thrive on busyness. Yes, it's true in a way but I think I have finally realized and accepted that making health and fitness a part of my schedule and life has to happen in order for me to be completely happy. It obviously affects how I feel a ton and that in turn affects how I react to the rest of my life situations. Confidence, energy, and feeling good are priceless. It's not that I didn't know that's just that I got too busy to think about it...and dare I say? Too busy to fit those things into my life. That can't happen. But now I and learn and move on. I am hopeful that I can give happy update in a few weeks from my euphoric, workout obsessed state of mind!

A few other thoughts...

 I miss my dad. One of my best friends lost her dad last week and seeing her hurting and going through this hard time kind of brings up those old feelings that are apparently just brewing under the surface. Tears were rolling in the middle of the restaurant the other night when I saw her...we were a sight. I wonder if the people walking by just thought our husbands were just big assholes who made us cry or something. Haha. Certainly not the case. In fact, it was when I told her how losing my dad had brought Jason and I even closer together that I burst into tears. I know it was bound to happen...we girls need a good cry. I just love her and don't want anyone to have to go through that. It fucking sucks. That's all there is to it.

Also, we watched the Descendents tonight...probably a bad movie to watch when I was feeling fragile about my dad's death...but a great movie nonetheless. That would be where sobbing came into play in my wonderful evening.

In other news...I hate getting super mushy because I feel like I can't really fully express my feelings in a good way when I type them. At least not when it comes to my husband. I don't intend to sound braggy or superior in anyway...I just try to express my true feelings. Of course Jason and I don't have a perfect relationship, I know that. But it's perfect for me...for us. I just can't explain or express enough how much I love him, how much I love our life together and how incredibly thankful I am for him everyday. He supports me and encourages me to follow my dreams and also encourages me to just sit on the couch with a glass of wine when he knows I need to decompress. I'm pretty sure he knows me better than I know me sometimes.

I think a gift my dad's death has given me is that I truly don't take any day, or anything for granted. I know life is short and unpredictable. Therefore, I savor the man to treats me with such respect and who also can make me laugh til I almost pee my pants...pretty much everyday. No lie. I can't imagine where I would be in life without him. I feel like I can be an independent thinker and do what I want but I have a teammate helping me and cheering me on. It's exactly what I need! So lucky.

I think that's why it's so hard for me to want to take the leap of having a baby. I love our life. Just us. Doing what we want when we want and living in the moment. Someday when the time is right it will happen...but for now, I am loving and appreciating every second.

Holy bananas. I feel better. I think I just needed to get all that out. Word vomit. Whew.

Ok, now on to some mindless TV and attempting to stay up late for night shift tomorrow : )



  1. Namaste...i cant help but laugh when i hear that from all the funny movies who say it. Ok, I loved this blog and knowing already, but reading again how happy you guys are and how good things are. It brings me peace and happiness as well! My brother couldnt have picked a nicer, smarter, sweeter, more generous, honest, and fun loving girl to spend his life with! I love you both SO much! SMOOCH!! i also can't wait for our chats, I look so forward to them :)

  2. Thank you Nik! : ) You are waaaaay too sweet!
    We are both lucky ladies to have such nice, supportive husbands!
    Love YOU!!
    Namaste (hehehe)