Thursday, February 16, 2012


I am attempting, semi-successfully, to stay awake super late so I can sleep in super late before my night shift tomorrow. Best part of night shift, hands down. Only problem is I've been up since 5 am for I'm getting just a tad tired.
When I get this tired and delirious I worry and think about stuff a lot. So I will write this post...maybe I'll publish it, maybe I'll just keep it saved for myself. Guess we will see.

The smart thing of me to do would be to write the two papers that stand between me and getting done with my current grad school class. I could be done a week early if I would just work on it now. Hmm...nah.

Instead I will worry about what I should do with my life next. As I've stated previously and as many people know, I like to try new things and be busy. A lot of those new things I try don't pan out into an actual permanent hobby/job...but are rather a passing phase that I get bored with quickly. That's why teaching clinical suits me so well. It's a short term commitment that I love...but it's just that, short term. There's not really enough time to get bored with it or sick of it. I love my my regular job and don't see myself going anywhere anytime soon but I do often get a little itch to try something totally new. I've tried night shift and the float team and that's going pretty well, so why do I have the itch still?
I think it's because the end of grad school is finally within my reach and it seems only natural that I would start a different job once I have my masters. But when I think about it logically...I have a fabulous schedule which allows for tons of days off during the week, a fulfilling job in and of itself, and a great employer. This would be ideal for when we have kids. But on the other hand, there's a part of me that feels drawn to try something more. I am getting my master's in nursing leadership and management. I am not sure what I would do with that beyond teaching, but there are many more options than there are now for me. I just feel at a loss...should I leave a job that I love for the potential of making a difference in a different way as a nurse leader? If I wait to see how I feel til after we have a baby (and who knows when that will be), I fear I may never try something more, but then if I change now, I fear I will regret it once I have a baby and long for my current flexible schedule back.

Just reading back on that last paragraph stresses me out. Why do I worry so much about things like this? I guess I just feel like I am at somewhat of a crossroads. There isn't an actual job offer on the table or anything else I am looking at, but I feel like I need to decide if I even want to wander down that road at all. If only I knew for sure how I will feel once I am a mom...that would be so helpful. But that is just another unknown variable. We could have a baby in a year or in five years, who knows.
How do people make these big life choices? Please, do tell.

And then there's photography. I love it. And I am loving taking pictures and making a little money along the way. I would also love to delve into that a little more (especially when I have more free time this Spring/Summer) how do I choose?

Alright, I think I've let out a lot of tension by writing that down and suddenly just realized I need to sleep...I may not even make it upstairs! Eyes are heavy.

But I do have to say, Jason and I DVR'd the last season of Dexter and just watched them all in a row this week....this season was real good. Watch it.

Goodnight all. Happy almost weekend.

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